The Vulture's Chronicles
Pulled over several times tonight to let the inbred go by. It may seem paranoid - and maybe it is, but for the moment it makes me feel safer.

Washington state does nothing to stop tailgaters and I've been wondering why that might be. Circular analysis usually leads to what causes tailgating. I have after much deliberation on the tailgating thing concluded, from direct observation, that the issue is directly correlated with the increased number of gapers.

A gaper is a clueless soul; one who uses his or her car or pickup truck to obstruct the expected flow of traffic. Here's the scenario: It is rush hour - it is raining, or not - and everybody expects to do the speed limit of let's say 45 mph. The gaper is up front doing 39 mph. Everybody behind the gaper is tailgating the guy immediately in front of them thinking this will cause them to do the Marty move and bail for the shoulder to let them past. Only Marty does the Marty move so they are screwed, and one little gaper stab on a brake pedal away from a multiple vehicle pile up.

In Washington state, gapers seem to set up shop in the left most lane and if there is a car load of gapers they will occupy the HOV lane. If you want to make time on Washington freeways you should be in the right most lane - which is completely ass backwards of most of the other states in the union except Oregon and Missouri.

As a clinician, I have wondered how one becomes a gaper. I think, from overhearing a gaper who was defending their behavior, that they have a need to make everybody drive safer which to this one gaper meant doing a little less than the speed limit. "It isn't a speed requirement you know - it is a speed limit". Hmmm. I think some have an oppositional defiant personality disorder. For others maybe, their wife does strange and painful things to them in the bedroom and they cover this inferiority by being a dick out in public.

For most though, it seems pure simpleton behavior. These creatures are dull, unaware of their surroundings, and maifestly cluelsss about how their actions affect others. Unfortunately, based on the rapid growth of gapers, it seems they reproduce with abandon.